


Dimmite nobis debita nostra, sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris

by AkaiBaraPark



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Blasphemy, Blood, Car Sex, Catholic Prayers, Character Death, Corruption, God Complex, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Poison, Punishment, Religion, Sins, Smut, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26651494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaiBaraPark/pseuds/AkaiBaraPark
Summary: Chan always dreamt of being important. He craved the feeling of having every eyes on him. At first he didn't really notice it, but someone changed his fate. For the better ? Or for the worst ?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27
Collections: SKZ Fuckfest





	Dimmite nobis debita nostra, sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy !  
> I do not condone what happens in this story, Chan is a monster of a character tho he is a sweetheart irl. Same goes for his family. I do not portray anything that's real. It's a work of fiction !

It was always the same old things.  
Waking up, going down the stairs, smiling to his mom and dad and sit at the table with his siblings, where they would thank the Lord for the meal they had.  
He would elegantly say each words of the prayer before slowly adding a whispered "Amen" and start digging into the food.  
Same old.  
Each sunday morning, he would go to the church with his family and hear "angels" sing and the delicate voice of the priest.  
Priest Lee was young and beautiful. His white cloak making him look ethereal when the sun was hitting the stained glass in the House of God.  
Chan always had a strange pull towards angels.  
Ivory little beings, devoted to good acts and rejecting evil.  
Chan was raised in a very Catholic family, they were firm believers of a strength greater than they were. Their whole life revolved around this Divine being that was God. Chan's siblings as well as himself, were blessed and baptized a few months after birth. They were welcomed to this community, and were raised accordingly, following each and every rule the Holy Bible told them.  
It was restricting.  
To Chan, it seemed the Holy water he was blessed with as a child was suffocating him to this day. Head underwater and the real him, drowning in fallacies.  
Chan never acted upon it. He was a good kid, kind hearted, sweet and soft spoken. He was granted good looks and talents, granted with the ability to be loved by anyone through a simple smile. He was a good kid.  
But deep down. He always wished to be bad. 

Angels. Chan loved angels. Pure and soft. He always felt the need to cradle them and sing for them like they seemed to sing for the chosen ones.  
Chan wished to serenade an angel to have one for himself.  
And maybe, maybe, he wished to keep the biblical being locked up in a jar to admire as the beauty falters and decays.  
Sadly, he knew that the angels he wanted were too big to be kept in a tiny jar. This is why, he decided to keep them in his memories. And to burn himself down on each and every angel he wanted to own. 

Priest Lee was young, so young and pretty. He looked like a bunny. His lips, sweet, slightly plump and red after the cup of wine was taken away from his face. Sun kissed skin and long eyelashes adorning deep chocolate eyes.  
He was gorgeous.  
He was angelic.  
And Chan wanted him more each day. He wanted this ethereal beauty to be tarnished, stained in deep purple instead of rays of sunlight through colored glass. 

Thus, Chan showed up more and more to the church. All by himself when he knew the church would be empty. He sat there, on a bench, hands brought together and eyes closed for hours, praying to the unknown for an opportunity to shine.  
He was raised to believe, but truth is, he never really knew if he did.  
Days and nights went by, as well as weeks, even months before something happened.  
Chan knew the priest was watching over him. He felt the dripping chocolate from the priest's eyes, tracing his body and trying to understand him to his very soul.  
With ease and calm, Chan released the golden cross dangling from his neck and rose up from the bench. His dainty fingers, following the varnished wood of the pews as he walked toward the confessional booth.  
Entering the small space, he sat in silence, waiting for the unmistakable creak of the other door to echo in this house of faith.  
Patience was rewarded not long after, and a sigh escaped Chan. Not one of exhaustion, but of reassurance and immediate pleasure. 

Silence lasted a few more seconds, and Chan wallowed into it. He was jubilating, his mind and imagination going haywire. He had to bring his smile down and started talking in a whisper. 

"I'm sorry Father, for I have sinned" he said, words laced with honey.  
Chan heard the priest moving a little before he was asked to further his confession.  
"My wild imagination, got the best of me Father. God told me and taught me to love. God said that, I need to get closer to him."  
Chan said, shrouding the priest in words he knew, were flowing out of the many books he read. Books far from Holy.  
Chan made his way out of the confessional booth, slithering out of the wooden door to get to the last barrier keeping him away from his angel.  
Long and thin fingers gripped the door handle and finally Chan saw what he desired. What he craved and longed for.  
The divine beauty that was Lee Minho. 

"Father Lee, the only way to cure my vivid imagination, is to make it a reality."  
Chan said, words trickling out of a plush pair of lips.  
"To be close to God, means to love. Please, please Father Lee… I implore you"  
His sentence stayed unfinished as he took place on the frozen priest's lap. Both hands on each side of the priest's head and mouth to his ear.  
"I implore you, to love me"  
Chan finished, in a hushed tone, an hitch into Father Lee's breathing making him relish in victory.  
Chan felt shaky hands grasp his hips and he smiled against the priest's ear. But, as he was about to grind against Father Lee's thigh, the bell rang for the mass to begin.  
Father Lee pushed Chan to his feet and made him take a step outside the cramped space they were in.  
He then took Chan's hand and placed it against the rosary dangling from his neck.  
"Please Chan, do not let urges and the devil break your faith".  
Was all he said before taking his leave to open the heavy wooden doors and let people shuffle inside in a sacred silence. Unaware of Chan's burning desire to set some angels on fire.  
He left as stealthy as he could and took a deep breath. If the priest refused him he had to try for someone softer. And he knew exactly who to choose.  
Sadly he couldn't act before Sunday, he knew for a fact that the cute angel with freckles wouldn't be here before.  
When he got home it was the same yet again. Copy and paste all his actions and words, he looked at Hannah and Lucas playing outside and wondered if they felt like him too. Probably not yet, they were still young.  
Hannah was always so happy when they were going to church, and Lucas prayed even in the comfort of his room behind closed doors.  
Chan stopped believing three years prior, near his twentieth birthday. He was out with friends from the choir that day, Seungmin and Jisung pestering him about Hyunjin's birthday coming up the following week. He knew he was to attend but hearing about it all the time was giving him a bit of a headache.  
That's when he heard it.  
The rumbling of the engine in which his faith disappeared, stolen from him at the same time as his breathe.  
Seungmin and jisung left first and he stayed behind using some excuses, he wanted to see who that car belonged to, and approached the vehicle.  
Someone was in and opened the car door before stepping out.  
The man was small, smaller than him, a honey like skin, black hair with an undercut and a slit in the eyebrow. A strong gaze. Intense. His bottom lip adorned by a silver piercing, and one of his arms a beautiful masterpiece of red and black ink.  
The man was a sin to look at. It made Chan shudder, this man meant danger but he felt aroused and almost at ease, being watched by this stranger who would probably disappear as fast as he appeared. 

His features 3 years later were blurry, but his voice, gritty and angry, still remained anchored in his brain. It sounded like Lust itself was addressing Chan when the man spoke.  
"Name's Changbin" he slurred, arms folded over his chest, his eyes burning holes in Chan.  
"Chri… Chan. Bangchan" he answered.  
His reward came in the form of a smile and an opened car door.  
He didn't know why he felt so at ease, but that evening with Changbin changed everything.  
Progressively, it festered like a cancer in him. His desire for pleasure and power. 

That evening in the car he experienced his first time with a man. But also his first time all together. The pain, the pleasure, the sheer power of the act in itself. He never thought about feeling that good ever in his life if it wasn't what God himself told him to feel.  
But at that exact moment, God was Changbin, and the lines of faith and who Chan really was, were erased.  
Each touch, almost gentle as a feather, sent chills down his spine. Moans and whimpers escaping his sinful lips as purples marks started to bloom on his milky white skin. He forgot his name, the only thing he could say was a mantra of "Changbin", sang in a broken voice.  
The love bites bruised his thighs, rough hands left blemishes on his hips, and dark eyes got burned deep in his memories.  
The pain of Changbin's dick roaming in his body for the first time made him scratch the leather of the backseat. Tears gathered and spilled from his eyes as he gripped Changbin's forearm to try and stay grounded in the moment.  
He didn't know a thing back then. Didn't know that he should've been more prepared for fucking. He didn't know why he couldn't stop chanting Changbin's name.  
He didn't know why this pain felt so good and why he felt warmth coil in his stomach.  
He was so ignorant. Asking for mercy, asking for everything, asking if Changbin could go harder, deeper. Asking for release as he cried in pain and pleasure.  
He wanted to come and feel enlightened. And he got what he wanted.  
The pleasure blended in with the pain, his foggy brain almost not taking into account his lack of air as Changbin's hand took hold of his delicate throat.  
He didn't hear himself moan as he touched the clouds but he kept his eyes open long enough to see a grin spread across Changbin's face. When his eyes closed, his body still buzzing, he whimpered a simple "Amen", feeling Changbin's release deep in him and his body against his own. He felt power. He satisfied his God. And he would stand by his belief, that God chose him to incarnate Lust. 

The memory of this evening still aroused him to this day. He changed a lot after that. Always remaining the calm and collected kid. Loyal and sincere. But deep down, all he wanted was to be praised as well. Praised like a God.  
Thus, when Sunday came around, he started his mission as Lust.  
He couldn't take his eyes off of Felix. An adorable choir singer from the church of their small town.  
The kid had everything to please.  
A beautiful smile, sunshine personality, was an altruist, and the looks and voice of an angel.  
Where Father Lee was a colorful angel, Felix was fully white. A blank canvas like Chan was to Changbin. And this canvas, Chan wanted to paint it in shades of red and purple. 

Felix was trusting, he was well loved and pure. So pure it was almost disgusting. But Chan saw him looking in his direction more than once. A small and shy smile tugging at his lips. Chan saw right through it, and he felt like power and pleasure would come to him without him asking. 

At the end of the mass, the songs finished, Father Lee asked for Felix's attention. A smile stretched across his face full of freckles and he turned to look at Chan nodding to the priest. He then walked toward Chan and sat next to him still smiling.  
"Father Lee said we were to take care of the church tonight. You and I. If that's okay with you." Felix said with his deep voice as people started exiting the church, Chan's family knowing full well he would come back a bit later.  
"That works for me." He answered simply getting up from the pews and holding his hand out for Felix to take. Which he did, like Chan did with Changbin years ago.  
Felix believed him.  
The church was emptied rather quickly, they indeed took care of the place, the moon shining against the stained glass and some candles keeping them in a dim lighting. It was better than in a car to Chan. It had more ambiance to it, it was also riskier and directly under the eye of the God Felix believed in.  
It would be amazing.  
"Lix, could you please come here for a second ?" He whispered to the singer who came to him just near the altar.  
Felix was four years younger, meaning he was nineteen. Not even twenty yet. He would enlighten him a bit earlier.  
"Do you require my help Chan?" He asked with a gentle smile as Chan gently caressed his cheek with his thumb.  
"You know some people are chosen by God right ?" Chan asked as Felix nodded in silence. "Some are chosen to talk for his holy presence. Some are chosen to stop wars for him to re-establish peace within the world." Felix nodded again, enraptured in Chan's elocution. "And some are chosen to show how to love." Chan finished with a smile as his index finger traced Felix bottom lip.  
His angel looked at him, trying to understand what Chan implied and he got the idea when he felt soft lips against his own.  
The warmth coiled in his belly as Chan's hands traveled around his waist to the small of his back. Felix didn't know how to act but he had so much faith in Chan that he followed his lead and kissed back shyly. He knew he shouldn't. He got told not to do so.  
But he felt so good. So loved, that his mind left his body in full control. His urges and desires, repressed for nineteen years coming down on him like the rain after a sunny day. 

Chan didn't love Felix, but he sure fell in love with the sparkles of trust in his eyes. He fell in love with the way Felix was seeing him. He was his tutor, his guide, his God, in this new adventure.  
Calmly, as if to not frighten his prey, Chan's hand slithered up Felix's back all the way up into his blond locks. The kiss was still clumsy and very much on the surface but Felix was letting go of his restraints as Chan's warmth was enveloping his body in the cold church. 

Slow.  
He needed to be slow to not scare him off and lose this beautiful angel that he so desperately needed. Chan had to keep himself in check, not to be too harsh, too fast or too excited. He needed it to seem like a mutual kind of bond. A give and take.  
We often say that people don't give another penny to the greedy.  
Chan was greedy, he was consumed by greed, lust, gluttony and envy since he was young. Changbin unleashed his real persona, his real image facing the world.  
Changbin gave and Chan took what he was offered. He also gave a part of him in that car. Not that it mattered.  
Right now, he was just taking. Felix was a mean to an end. All Chan wanted was to feel powerful. 

The kiss got more intense as Felix whimpered against Chan's mouth, opening his lips just enough to finally take the final decisive step that would either bring everything down under in hell, or high up above in heaven. 

Seems like luck was on Chan's side just as much as Felix's little hands were.  
Gripping tightly the fabric of Chan's shirt, the prey was lured into the devil's embrace like a fly to a source of light.  
Only, Chan was all but light. Darkness and danger.  
But Felix was now trapped in the jar that was Chan ever growing desire.  
Eager to please Chan, he himself morphed his body to Chan's, not leaving a space between them, his white angel wings might as well turn black and rot. 

They broke the kiss and looked in each other eyes. A well calculated smile took over Chan's features before he went to kiss Felix's neck, taking his rosary necklace between his devilish lips and biting on a wooden pearl. He then whispered in Felix's ear. 

"I can show you what love is Felix. I can give you the absolute love that God has for you. I can do all that. But only if you want me to. Only if you follow my lead without a question." 

And all Felix could do was nod and whisper a strained "yes". Chan smiled against his Angel's skin and littered his neck with bruises. Blossoms as red as the pit of hell growing in numbers on the pale and freckled skin. A strong blush covering the constellations on Felix's cheeks made Chan greedier. He needed more. More red.  
He wanted Felix to become red, to be covered in this color. To lose his white appearance to a dark bloody red.  
Lightly, he pushed Felix backward, bribing him with kisses and slight touches, never enough for the starved boy facing him. 

Finally they reached the altar, Felix's back pressed against the dark wood. A candle still burning on it. 

"I will now baptize you Lee Felix."

Said Chan in a smile. His prey shuddering and paralyzed against the altar and his body. He grabbed a dainty knife he kept in his back pocket and without removing his eyes from Felix's, cut one of his fingers. Blood pouring out of the cut, running from his skin to Felix's white shirt, not drenching it but staining it like Chan was staining the poor boy's purity.  
Felix wasn't moving, he was lost in Chan's eyes as the man pushed him to his knees and let the blood bead down on his forehead. He felt the hot and sticky red glide down his nose bridge as Chan drew a cross on his skin.  
The blood collected on the top of his botton nose and finally dripped on his cupid's bow and lips. He was looking up to Chan, looking up to God.  
And gave to Chan what he wanted.  
He gave him his mind and body. Gave him his trust and soul. Because he saw a God in him.  
Chan's silhouette was bathed in the moonlight, in an angelic and desirable glow that Felix could no longer resist. Not that he tried in the first place.  
More blood got smeared on Felix's face, his lips now a dark red. His shirt spotted and stained with the blood of the damned. 

Chan was a sinner and he would take an angel with him.  
Felix reached up to Chan. One hand asking to hold Chan's, the other gripping his belt. And Chan offered his hand in return as well as a delicate caress on the choir boy's cheek before said boy wrapped for a second his plush lips around Chan's digit. Cleaning the cut and blood with his tongue. And Chan was feeding from the view. His dark eyes taking in the beauty that was Felix on his knees. He then heard the deep voice from his prey and a shiver ran down his back. 

"Ask me all that you want… I want you to love me"

Felix asked as tears began to gather in his eyes. He was begging to be enlightened, begging for more of Chan's pretended love. He was craving a sin he never experienced. And Chan was jubilating. His heart pounding as he made Felix go back to his feet. The thorns of his manipulation smothering Felix's thoughts to nothingness. Making him his play thing. His possession. 

He couldn't wait any longer to taste what blasphemy and corruption felt like. He couldn't wait to tarnish Felix even more. Way beyond repair.  
He couldn't wait to rip his angel wings out of his back.  
And so he didn't wait anymore.  
He kissed Felix's bloodied lips, tasting iron on his tongue and lust in every cell of his body. It was tingling, he was lost in his desire just as Felix was.  
Letting everything go except for his sin. Nothing was important as of right now, nothing except for Felix's body against his. Trapped under the holy father's eyes.  
The smell of blood, sweat and incense mixing all together to create what Lust must smell like. 

They started to shed from the fabric still covering them. Felix's body now laid against the altar as Chan was marking every inch of his exposed torso. His rosary resting against his chest rising with his rapid breathing and deep groans.  
Chan slowly got rid of everything covering his angel and discovered new territories. All untouched and begging to be claimed.  
Freckled shoulders were now adorned with bite marks, bruises were blossoming against milky white thighs and the imprints of Chan's hands were already showing on Felix's hips.  
Chan took his time, tasting the Angel's body, making him squirm and preparing him for Hell when he will be pulled down below.  
He was still halfway naked. His pants still on as Felix started to grind against the denim of his jeans, driven solely by the desire Chan pumped into him. The lissom body moving on its own looking for pleasure and contact. Looking for Chan's body.  
The snake-like movement of Felix's body lured Chan closer and a gasp answered his approach. Felix paused and trembled when Chan's hips met his. His shaky hands coming to undo Chan's belt and pants. Their chest against one another. They shared another bruising kiss, before Chan's hand and fingers moved to prepare Felix to welcome his absolution. To welcome the love he craved oh so much. The love he now wanted to feel deep inside of him, filling him up. 

The start of it all made him whine and cry out in pain and discomfort. He closed his eyes tightly, tears cascading the side of his face as he tried to relax in Chan's hold. Chan's lips on his skin was like a bandaid on a cut, each touch making him feel better and calming him down from his fear.  
He finally opened his eyes again when Chan stopped his delicate ministrations. And withdrawn his fingers deeming Felix ready enough. 

Chan smiles at his prey, drinking in the view of his angel being ruined by pleasure. He needed him. He needed the power. And towering Felix as he finally dipped in him brought him the strongest feeling of power he could ever imagine.  
He bottomed out, and Felix's whimpered as his back arched against the altar. His fingernails creating crescents on Chan's shoulder blades. Chan halted, and took hold of Felix's face, asking him to look at him. The pretty crimson blush came back on Felix's cheeks when his eyes opened and ended up locked in Chan's ones. 

"I love you. I worship you." 

Felix muttered in a broken and ushered voice as Chan moved for the first time in him. He kept his hold on Felix's face, trying not to succumb to the warm tightness that was Felix's body. He needed to last, he needed to taint Felix more. To damn him like he was damned.  
And so he started a slow pace, checking Felix's reaction. He wanted to ruin him, break him beyond repair. He wanted the young man to only live for him. To be considered his God. And he knew that he was exactly doing that. Fucking with Felix's head and body. Making him pliant and dependent.  
His speed grew as Felix's voice started to rise. Uncomfortable whimpers turning into moans of pleasure and begging. Asking Chan to go harder or deeper. To touch him to please kiss him. To give him the love he craved.  
They were sweaty, Felix's blond locks sticking to his forehead as a grunt left his plump lips. He was shaking, pleasure building up in his stomach as Chan was claiming his body in its entirety. 

He felt Felix's skin against his own, goosebumps rising and they shared a shudder. As his hands roamed the sensitive body underneath him, he heard a broken whimper and looked at Felix's face. His eyes were tightly shut, his lips red and slightly open in a silent moan. His whole body was covered in sweat, tinted in purples, reds and pinks because of the colored glass and the sinner's lips. His blonde hair a mess and the golden rosary nestled against his chest moving up and down at a rapid pace.  
A hard thrust made Felix see stars and a broken moan left him before he said what made Chan come close to orgasm.

"God yes !" 

Felix arched his back and a deep moan escaped his lips. Chan took the holy necklace in his hands pulling at it harshly, he couldn't stand the sight of it anymore.  
All he heard next was Felix's cry of ecstasy, his voice breaking as the wooden pearls all fell to the floor. A smile took over his face when his own orgasm washed over him. 

God, it felt so good to be bad. 

He came down from his high, feeling Felix shudder under his body. He looked at the angel, panting and oh so beautiful still. Covered in sweat, blood tears and cum. He was tainted down to the core now. And Chan wouldn't have it any other way.  
Felix smiled as well and thanked him with a kiss and a prayer.  
What he saw in Felix's eyes was probably what Changbin saw when they both kissed before he disappeared like he arrived.  
In a second. 

\------- 

After this whole scene, things started to change a lot for Chan.  
Jisung and Seungmin started avoiding him like the plague. Felix never approached him and started wearing long sleeves all the time. Hiding something. 

He understood two days later when Father Lee asked him to follow him in the back of the church in a small side "office". 

"I know that you know why you're here Christopher Bangchan" 

Said the priest in a low and menacing voice. Chan's pride made him keep his head up and held up to the priest's stare. 

"I don't" 

He said in a cold and detached way. Sitting straight and looking down on the priest. He didn't need to look at him like the holy servant he was supposed to be. As he felt like a God himself. 

"What you did a week ago in this church young man is what I'm talking about." 

Cleared Father Lee before standing up and going to Chan taking his rosary away. Chan knew better than to move. 

"I took the decision to excommunicate you from this church. You are not to enter this holy ground. You are not to speak to the members of the parish. You are not to slender God's name with your sin." 

Said the priest as he destroyed the holy necklace that he got since he was young. 

"You are the shame of your family. A lonesome sinner who will never find his way to Heaven."

He announced coldly to a frozen Chan. 

"You heathen better leave this place right away. You are not welcomed anymore in the house of God."

He finished.  
And Chan left. Chan left because he had too. Chan passed Felix in the pews and the choir boy dipped his head down, clutching his new rosary making a prayer, a dark bruise on his right cheek very much visible under the light of the sun reflecting in the stained glass. 

Chan went home.  
He probably shouldn't have.  
His dad took him by the collar of his shirt harshly, his mom ignored his pained grunt and his siblings could only do so much as to hide or cry seeing what would happen to their big brother.  
A big brother they always looked up to. Who was now looked at like he has the plague. 

His mom ignored him, ignored his screaming as his dad used a belt buckle to punish him in the basement of their home. She brought him food sometimes. And his dad would start again. Asking him to pray night and day, his knees on a wooden stick, digging into his skin.  
He would go days without food.  
Nobody cared about him.  
Nobody cared about a sinner who asked and took way too much. 

He was starving. He was thirsty and tired. His cuts were infected and he was starting to feel delirious as time blended together.  
His dad caught him slacking on his prayers yet again. Somehow, Chan knew it would be the last day for him.  
He heard his mom and dad talk. He heard Hannah and Lucas cry for their father to stop. He heard his mom say he could maybe try to be forgiven. But his dad was right.  
He was in way too deep. 

When his dad came down the stairs, it was his last night, a glass of water in hands and white powder in a small bag, Chan knew it was goodbye.  
His dad looked at him with disgust, but deep in his eyes he could see the sorrow of a dad who lost his son long ago. He could see love somewhere near hatred.  
He was laying on the floor, filthy, beaten up, emaciated. Eyes blurry as his dad mixed the powder in the glass of water. He made him sit and tilted Chan's head to make him drink.  
He was so thirsty and tired. 

All he heard as his breath was shortening was a broken "sorry". He coughed, held onto his father with the small strength he still had.  
He looked in his father's eyes as he felt himself die slowly and painfully. His head in his dad's lap. He looked at him till darkness took over. 

Maybe Chan had been wrong all along. But it was fun, though short lived, to be someone else's God"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading uwu


End file.
